So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize