Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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