i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
