dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
