just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
