If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize