so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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