He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
