I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
