I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
