i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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