I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
