420 ftw
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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