it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
