I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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