I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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