he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
