i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
not ubering you a puppy
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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