your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
