My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
