I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
