We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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