you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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