Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize