everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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