That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
