Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
