dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
