while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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