Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
