Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
