Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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