found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
