When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I would fuck him just for his dog
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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