all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
