So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
