this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
