Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
