If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
