My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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