every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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