i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize