He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
