ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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