im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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