what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
