I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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