I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
