clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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