how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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