I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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