It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i now understand why vodka
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
