He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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