I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize