When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
