Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
