I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
