theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
