Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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