I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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