Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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