He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
