I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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