can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
