if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
