I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
