Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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