she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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