Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
