Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
