There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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