I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize