do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
