Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
