McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
