dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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