my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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