make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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