I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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