god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
