Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
