I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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