didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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