I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
