i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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