She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
