I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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