I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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