i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
